I used to laugh at my dad when he lived with us, and each morning would read the obituaries “just to make sure he wasn’t listed in there”. A few years have passed since then, and now I read them each morning for a different reason. I want to see what families are hurting, and be able to attend a visitation or a funeral of friends or neighbors to give support or reach out to them where needed. In fact, I find it quite fascinating sometimes to find that someone is a close relative to an unknown name listed.
Because we don’t have access to a daily paper, I try to glance at the computer to see the on-line listings each morning. Once in awhile I forget or am not home to check, and I find that I have missed the chance to attend the final good-byes. I hate when that happens. Thank goodness for the chance to send a card or make a call instead.
Last week I realized there are many more people that read these death notices with regularity and question what they see! I received at least six calls on the phone, and had three more people ask me in person if my oldest brother had died. His exact name was listed in the line up of obituaries that morning, and then in the newspaper. Even the month of July was the same as his birthday, but the year of birth was two years different. It was a little unnerving when I read it too!
My brother is a very private person, and lives his life just the way he chooses. He doesn’t share much of what he does day to day, unless you are talking with him face to face. He has been single all his life, and is accustomed to taking each day in his own time table because he can. One of the callers knows Tom very well, and we chuckled that it would be just like him to die and not tell us! He doesn’t own a cell phone, nor an answering machine, so sometimes it is quite hard to catch him if he doesn’t pick up the phone. If I really need to reach him, I call after midnight. Then I know he will be up and available to answer the phone.
My brother lives in the little village of Bigelow in my grandmother’s old house that he purchased after his time in the navy. He has resided there all of his adult life, and many there call him friend. He does so many caring things for that little town, and for those who have resided there for years. He is a true friend and neighbor to many, even though they too would find him elusive about his own private life. Whenever I ask him how life is going, he says “great”. No complaining or explaining. The fewer the words, the better!
I am the oldest of six siblings, and Tom was born between myself and another brother, Jeff. Over the years I have often wondered if Jeff and I stifled Tom with all of our talking when we were growing up! Tom has remained pretty quiet still today, but if you do get him talking or laughing, it is enjoyable. If he really gets laughing, it is certainly contagious. I remember him coming to our house when our boys were growing up, and I would find my brother, and Mark and Peter laying on the living room floor just in tears from laughing. Most of the time they wouldn’t tell me why, but obviously it was something crazy that Tom was sharing with them. Fun memories with their uncle for sure.
Even though Tom doesn’t have children of his own, he is so giving and generous to his nieces and nephews. Again, his style is to quietly hand the “kids” a card containing money or a rolled up monetary gift to encourage them or help them out. All of them have a special place in their heart for “Uncle Tom”.
Tom is an outdoors person, loving to swim, ride bike, canoe, and enjoy the winter weather skating or cross country. He loves concerts and plays, which he faithfully attends. He reads and watches a lot of documentaries, so if you do get a chance to have that personal conversation with him, he has some interesting opinions and a lot of knowledge.
I appreciate my oldest brother for many reasons, but these days he is my “go to” guy to come and stay with our mom when Dan and I are away. Actually, Tom and my mom are very much alike, so they get along quite well here at the farm while we are gone. Neither of them concern themselves with time much, and they both are night owls, staying up late at night and sleeping in when morning comes. When I ask him how they got along when we return, he says “great”. Always the same answer.
I am glad that my brother still has life. Maybe I will bless him with a cell phone for Christmas though….wonder if he would answer it??
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