As I was sitting quietly doing some respite care for Hospice last week, I picked up a book entitled “ The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning” written by Margareta Magnusson. It was lying on a coffee table near me, and the title intrigued me. I am not Swedish, and I don’t feel near death, but cleaning…yep, that is a thought that is always nagging at me. It is not on my bucket list anywhere, but I know that it is something that is a fact of life when you own a home or have a living space to take care of.
The subtitle hinted at the thought of “ how to free yourself and your family from a lifetime of clutter”. Mine, mostly. My clutter. My family has pretty much taken all the clutter that was theirs when they permanently set up their own homes. So now it is really down to me to make sense of what is left. What this book mostly projected is that while we would usually say “clean up after yourselves”, the idea here is to “clean up before we….die”. Death cleaning is not about dusting (thank goodness) or “mopping up”; it is a permanent form of organization that makes your every day life run more smoothly. The author told me it would be rewarding to spend time with these objects one last time. It is making sense to me the more I think about it.
We should not imagine that someone else will wish to schedule time off to take care of things we didn’t take care of ourselves. Basements, attics, and closets are the best places to start because it is where we temporarily (ya, right) got rid of our excess. As we are sorting and cleaning, short messages can be attached to things we want our loved ones to have. One little piece of advice…true for me for sure…DON’T start with photographs or letters. Save them for after you’ve gone through the big things first. These things can be fun to look through, and maybe even a bit sad. However, they can definitely get us stuck in memory lane, and we won’t get anything else done!
The book suggested that this “death cleaning” should be started by the early 60’s; oops, I am a little late, but I should be able to catch up if I hurry! I actually do have a head start as my granddaughter, Lexi, and I did a grand cleaning of our attic a couple months ago. What is left up there to sort through, are several boxes of letters, photographs, and mementos. Things that Dan and I can only do ourselves. My plan is to bring one box down at a time, maybe on some snowy, wintry days, and laugh, cry, and then burn.
What is left I hope to organize into photo boxes or large envelopes with my children’s or grandchildren’s names. Things that I think they will enjoy seeing or having. Then it will be THEIR turn to sort and keep or throw. Photos can be quite sentimental. Do remember, though, your memories and your family’s are not always the same. As you revisit the photos, save the ones you love, give away those that will bless your family, and part with the rest in the shredder or burn them.
A few years ago I actually did put many pictures into photo boxes for each of our four children. We gave them to them in a gathering around our living room at Christmas, and it was quiet at first when they opened their own box. Pretty soon the laughter began as they said, “ Look at this! Do you remember that?” They shared with each other with mostly much laughter, but there were some solemn memories mixed in too. It was a joy to watch as our “kids” found happiness with each other recalling days gone by.
An idea shared in the book is to give yourself one week to go through each room in your house. What do you really love? Use? Want to keep? Of course some rooms will take less time, but it could be used as a standard measure of time. As you pull out things, always have a pile of “keep” or “ give away”. If you spot something you think someone else would love, label it for them and offer it to them. If they want it, great. If not, DO NOT BE OFFENDED. We all value things differently. Remember (and this is so important) what brought joy to your life, may not mean a thing to your children. Sometimes hard to imagine, but it is true! On the other hand, you may find that you have valuable things that you want to let other people enjoy and take care of now.
A rule you may choose to follow is this: Will anyone I know be happier if I save this? If no, then reflect on it, entertain your feelings, good or bad, then discard it. Just know it’s been a part of your story and life. As my siblings and I have sorted through things left by our mom and dad this past year, our memories overflowed remembering and sharing together their stories!
One idea was to keep a box just for yourself, labeled “Throw Away Box”. As you are sorting and throwing, this box would contain things that are saved for you only; to be thrown away at your death. Maybe old letters, programs, memories from traveling or things to help us remember events that we may forget. This box is for small things just valuable to you. Examples of contents may be a grandchild’s wedding bulletin, dried flower, a special shell or stone from a trip to the beach. But, of course, those who survive us may choose to look inside…or maybe not. Either way, they have your former permission to throw it away!
Regard your “death cleaning” as an ordinary job. It should be a delight to go through things and remember their worth. Start early, take your time, and do it for your own pleasure. In between, enjoy your life as much as possible. Don’t get stuck in the memories. Look forward to a much calmer and easier life without all the “stuff”!
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